Monday, November 12, 2007

Short poetic musings

Poems? Haiku? Ramblings???

The search

In the crowd
My eyes constantly search for a familiar face
A face I like to see happy,
A face I like to see bright,
The face
That I like most of all.

The cause

All this killing,
All this dying,
All this commotion for the dead and the undead
Makes me wonder
Is it really worth it?

The end

They say all good things must come to an end
If that be the case
I will acquiesce to missing someone as a good thing.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

The art of seeing things…..

…or something like that, I believe it should be called. Of late, I have been having a lot of contemplative sessions with myself, trying to decide what is right and what is wrong. I have been going through a lot of decision cycles lately.
Earlier, there was a time I remember when I used to have a way of seeing things “in the whole”. When I saw things this way, I used to get directly to the conclusion, or the ending. I used to decide whether or not to pursue something, however trivial or important it may be, based solely on what the end would look like with the thing. In short, I’d like to see things in the big picture, and easily dropped off my decisions based on what I thought the end would be like.
Things certainly have changed now; ample proof for that can be seen in this blog of mine. Never before would I have the patience to continue with these lines, seeing that they were about to lead nowhere. But wait a moment; unless I have actually completed the lines, how do I know where this is going. This is a proof of looking at things the way I do at the present.

I have been feeling like things do not have to get anywhere at all; just a hint of something can stay the way it is. A classic example would be this hairdo that I have planned. I don’t care if it will grow back in 3-4 weeks to the same state anyways; it’s all about how I will look tomorrow once I get the hairdo today.
Maybe this means I’m getting to live “for the moment” or something similar in interpretation, but one thing that I’m sure of is that if I ever could ask my past self what I would of think of my present self, it was sure to say “ah…I care not….I’ll end up the same way someday, eventually!”

A line, after all… made up of dots….nothing more…..


Sunday, June 24, 2007

Bang! Psst……Poof….Bang! Bang!

My PC’s SMPS blew in front of my eyes yesterday.

I was plagued by this problem of my PC hanging for no apparent reason. I do not think hanging is the right word here, since a soft reboot does not help once it “hangs”. The term that I think is more appropriate would be freezing, where the screen looks like a photograph, still and inanimate. The mouse pointer is stuck where it previously was, and the keyboard no longer works (can’t even get the Num Lock led to turn off). In short, the PC’s session is screwed. Any program that I might have running at the time loses its state once I restart the PC, so the work that I forgot to save is lost into oblivion as well. These are times that I actually want to thank the brains behind auto-save, always ready to greet me with a “There are unsaved documents….” message once the PC and the app are restarted. But auto-save cannot help every time, and there are times that I’ve lost some code lines to these random freezes.

That was the main reason as to why I decided on opening up my PC cabinet yesterday. It was well and all while I was checking the cable connections and any loose ends (as I have done for the umpteenth time). Then my eyes caught this little slider on my SMPS unit, which allowed me to switch between voltage levels. Thinking voltage levels might be the culprit behind the problem, I changed the sliders from their default position. I have been wondering since then as to where the basic electric common sense of mine had gone at the time. I plugged it in, and then switched on the power. The SMPS unit obviously didn’t like the change, since feeding 240V mains into a 150V power unit is, I believe what they call, pure madness. I was the raging image of monsieur Frankenstein, attempting to do the undoable. The rest, as they say, is history....

The “high” voltage completely damaged my SMPS, blowing out the surge capacitor, and one of the transformers on the SMPS as well. It also managed to blow out the fuse on my UPS. But I was glad to know that was the extent of the damage, since I could have not been able to afford losing out my motherboard, or my processor, or any of the components on my PC.

Then started the agonizing process of waiting for the computer shops to open up, so that I could get myself a new replacement unit for my PC. I wandered shops, looking for the perfect combination of price and features, and I happened to realize how much people seem to neglect this unit while planning for a new PC. The vendors try to entice customers by exhibiting slogans like “P4 at 25000/- flat!”. But it is components like the SMPS that these vendors compromise on. The simplest proof of this was the lack of SMPS units from a recognized brand (such as Antec). And so I had to choose from a lot of “Chinese” models before I came to this monstrosity of a power supply. It has specs for 550 W of power, and even with the regular overstatements of capacity (my last SMPS was labeled 450W, but the actual power wattage was a mere 350W), this unit would supply me with a 500 Wattage of power. This is more than enough for me, since newer motherboards with 965/975 chipsets demand that much of power as a decent requirement, but my motherboard, being slightly beyond par with the times (I have an 865 board), should be more than happy to get 350 Watts of “pure” power. Add to that the GeForce 6200 and a 200 GB SATA drive that I’ve got, and I think the price I shelled out for the unit was more than justified. Add to that the fact that it’s got fans on three side (OK, not great from a cooling point of view, but sure does add some eye candy to the unit.) Besides, how hot can my PC get anyways? ;)

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Latest rumination

Today's blog update is the sole outcome of my encountering this blog, referred by cipher. The way the ideas flow in the blog really buoyed the interest that I once had when I planned to keep on blogging.

Life has really gotten hectic for some time now. I haven't been able to update this blog, though i've made plans many a times to do so. It's like I have lost touch with what I should be doing, instead choosing to spend time glowering at the many misfits that life tends to throw in the course of everyday survival.

It's not as if I've brought about a feeling of neglect for blogging. After all, I had made a promise to myself to start writing some time ago, and it is true that I have been writing personal blogs a few times all along, the contents of which I'd rather not publicize to the world. That is the reason these articles of mine safely stay at home. The "unpublishable" pieces notwithstanding, I also wanted to fill this publicly personal space of mine.

I can't say nothing interesting has happened for this hiatus of my blog. After all, things that I would never have imagined some time ago have happened. For instance, I would never, in my wildest of dreams, have thought I'd be going to her house, and also getting to say "Hi" to her mom. Although things are not as upbeat as they sound, I nonetheless made it to her house, and survived to tell the tale. Then there was the 24th of May, 23 years after the genesis of my being, and getting to be stupidly straightforward with that other person who kinda' turned into that new crush, the one who sends butterflies (and some bees too, i guess) along your tummy. Things quite did not turn out the way that my fantasies had projected, and sometimes, I think things went best the way that they did. It was good that things did not get out of hand , except of course the funny incident where I apparently appeared wet eyed (which I can safely account to staring at the monitor for 3 hours flat without wearing my glasses), but nonetheless, she thought she was responsible for that.

....and then life just keeps day at a time....

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Looking at you......

I still feel so weird looking at her…..although the only way I can indeed look at her now is through her photographs. It’s been five years since I’ve last talked to her, but she still haunts my thoughts and my memories. I’ve tried forgetting her and letting go of her, hoping the very best for her life. But time and again, something has been linking me to her. We keep chatting, and exchanging SMS messages, but no matter the amount of text transferred, the void still remains. It was about 2-3 months ago that I had proposed that I take her out for a treat after the “completion” of my studies, and then the thing just kept being pushed backwards. The last we talked about it was when she said she was going on an India tour for about 2 weeks, and that we should probably meet for the “treat” after that time. And then once she got back, she was involved with her exams for some time. After that, she seemed to forget about the planned meeting, and I just didn’t want to push it any further because, let’s face it, she’s with someone who she thinks will make her happy. There’s nothing more in this world that I’d like other than to have her; but even this wanting is surpassed by the feeling of knowing that whoever she may be with, she is happy. I’d go beyond limits just to see that smile on her face.

And yet, I keep waiting, as if for a miracle. I wait as if there will be a day where she’ll call me, and tell me that she had made a mistake, and that she’d like to get together sometime. I’ve been out a couple of times with other “beauties”, but those number of hours couldn’t give me what I could with her merely for 5 minutes. This is not an exaggeration, it’s not an overstatement. Looking at her still gives me the kind of elated excitement that a teenager gets from talking to his crush for the first time. I try to belie this feeling when conversing with her, to try and hide the “silliness” that has become me; but somewhere deep down, I think she still knows that I’d still give anything to be with her.

Sure, no one has seen what the future holds, and this adage is what’s keeping me hopeful for “the best” to come into my life. Maybe through some slide of hand, or some twist of fate, as Bono puts it…….

Friday, April 20, 2007


“It’s about time”, I say to myself…..About time I got hold of my life, about time I put things in perspective, and about time to start doing things “my way” again…. I feel good now that I’ve been following the age old saying , “Never let your studies interfere with your education”. Not that I feel I was ever too ‘into’ my studies anytime, ‘coz I hate people committing me to something that I have no way of choosing. And I don’t even want to start on the ways of the jungle that has become our education. Nevertheless, I’m happy I’m out of that phase, and that I have at least a year before I start with my Masters.

What better opportunity to start blogging than now? I have been procrastinating over a lot of things, and blogging definitely takes the top honors among them. Now that I am finally free of all “unrelated crap” in my life, I feel this is the right time to start doing things that I have been long planning. As I mentioned before, blogging comes out tops among those things; there are other plans along the way. And this time around, I’m determined not to leave plans as plans; rather try to convert them to “Yes, I did that”.

One of the reasons I never got to actually blogging my thoughts is that I’d worry what people who read my blog thought of me. I was actually worried people who knew me would be reading the blog and I didn’t think that was a good idea. So much for that; I know I’m trying to change, so the hell with all the precautions about things that could never even happen. After all, so far as I know, a blog is akin to a diary; and there’s a very good reason why people tell you not to go looking at other’s diaries; they might have written about you, and that might actually hurt. So consider this a disclaimer: If you remotely think you happen to know me in any way, chances are, this blog will talk about you as well. So if you are weak of heart or a gossipmonger, my suggestion to you is to STEER CLEAR OF THIS BLOG.

Now having cleared my mind of all doubts and fears after that shout, I feel I’m so much free to pour my heart out to the blogs. Hope I keep this up until I find something else [like enough broadband for Second Life]

After all, the third time’s a charm.......