Looking at you......

I still feel so weird looking at her…..although the only way I can indeed look at her now is through her photographs. It’s been five years since I’ve last talked to her, but she still haunts my thoughts and my memories. I’ve tried forgetting her and letting go of her, hoping the very best for her life. But time and again, something has been linking me to her. We keep chatting, and exchanging SMS messages, but no matter the amount of text transferred, the void still remains. It was about 2-3 months ago that I had proposed that I take her out for a treat after the “completion” of my studies, and then the thing just kept being pushed backwards. The last we talked about it was when she said she was going on an India tour for about 2 weeks, and that we should probably meet for the “treat” after that time. And then once she got back, she was involved with her exams for some time. After that, she seemed to forget about the planned meeting, and I just didn’t want to push it any further because, let’s face it, she’s with someone who she thinks will make her happy. There’s nothing more in this world that I’d like other than to have her; but even this wanting is surpassed by the feeling of knowing that whoever she may be with, she is happy. I’d go beyond limits just to see that smile on her face.

And yet, I keep waiting, as if for a miracle. I wait as if there will be a day where she’ll call me, and tell me that she had made a mistake, and that she’d like to get together sometime. I’ve been out a couple of times with other “beauties”, but those number of hours couldn’t give me what I could with her merely for 5 minutes. This is not an exaggeration, it’s not an overstatement. Looking at her still gives me the kind of elated excitement that a teenager gets from talking to his crush for the first time. I try to belie this feeling when conversing with her, to try and hide the “silliness” that has become me; but somewhere deep down, I think she still knows that I’d still give anything to be with her.

Sure, no one has seen what the future holds, and this adage is what’s keeping me hopeful for “the best” to come into my life. Maybe through some slide of hand, or some twist of fate, as Bono puts it…….